Tuesday, March 15, 2011

[24]

I want to be a normal 22 year old girl.
That's it! I feel it should be that complicated, right? Well wrong. I'm sure most with eating disorders know where I'm coming from.

I get pissed off and anxious for no reason. It upsets me.
My friends want to celebrate my acceptance into program for school. Plus, this means I will be in school straight until the end of July, and I will have no life for 3 years. Okay, fine. So first it starts with Julie sleeping over, and meeting friends for breakfast. But oh wait, I have counseling at 9am. Okay, that's fine with her. She can just come with me. Then Jodie is going to meet us for breakfast. Okay, fine. Now Jodie is sleeping over, and a few friends are meeting us for breakfast after therapy.
Stop. Pause:
This could be a good thing. We can have a real talk about what is going on. This can be my chance to be fully honest with how bad things are.

Okay, nope. They invite another girl who I'm acquintances with, but we never really hung out much. THANKS ALOT for asking if it was okay for her to sleep over MY house. Yes, this wouldn't upset most people, but it upsets me.
This is where I realize I am a fucking control freak and need everything my way.

Now, I can't take laxatives because they will be here. I do not want to go to breakfast at all. I'm telling them if I go I am only getting coffee.

I hate that I put myself through so much over the silliest little things.

1 comment:

  1. sooooooooooo know what u mean, ridiculously so, :'(

    xx

    ReplyDelete