I'm depressed. I cut. These negative thoughts. These are not normal. I just want it to stop, but it's too hard. Then there is the other part: restricting, binging, purging, laxatives. I thought a part of me wanted to stop. A piece of me thought I was sick and wanted to get better. I'm not sick. I never was. It's just an issue that will continue until I'm ready to stop. There is no 'getting better' or 'recovery' when I never had an 'eating disorder.'
I'm in this black hole that has no stepping stones or ledges to help me get out. All I can do is dig deeper and bury myself.