Friday, February 4, 2011

[14]

Lately, I don't even know what is going through my head. Other than... I think I wish I was dead. I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting with myself constantly every fucking day. It never ends, it's becoming too much.

I'm depressed. I cut. These negative thoughts. These are not normal. I just want it to stop, but it's too hard. Then there is the other part: restricting, binging, purging, laxatives. I thought a part of me wanted to stop. A piece of me thought I was sick and wanted to get better. I'm not sick. I never was. It's just an issue that will continue until I'm ready to stop. There is no 'getting better' or 'recovery' when I never had an 'eating disorder.'

I'm in this black hole that has no stepping stones or ledges to help me get out. All I can do is dig deeper and bury myself.
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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 4, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Sorry your feeling so down:( Just know that were here for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful_DisasterFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:14 AM

    if you needa talk hit me up i understand where youre coming from <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. ShanniceFebruary 5, 2011 at 1:43 AM

    KELLERS, I'M A KICK YOUR ASS.
    i think that i was never sick every single day, but you have to deal with it.
    i really hope you feel soon, we must talk. so i can kick your butt.
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. prettydesperateFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:09 PM

    we will never feel sick... ever ever ever. and when we're dead it's kinda too late, y'know?

    ReplyDelete
  5. HellokittyFebruary 7, 2011 at 7:49 AM

    im so sorry you feel this way :(
    I wish there was something I could do.

    Keep your head up!
    xx.

    ReplyDelete

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